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What is it about writing that makes me feel so starved and hungry all the time? Since, I have some spare time right now (Hah!), I thought I’d delve deeper into this phenomenon. Maybe once I figure out the connection, I’ll be able to cut down on the snarfing.

  1. I’m so alone I could eat a whole pie – Writing, as we all know, is the loneliest job in the world. You have no co-workers to gossip with, no boss to argue with, no corporation to hate. It’s  just you and your words. This kind of pseudo-loneliness, leads your droopy shoulders to the nearest available snack and you try to fill the silence that is your life, with the crunch of a monster bag of chips/cookies.
  2. The ‘bleep’-ing creative process – You writhe in your chair (in a very non-Fifty Shades way) and feel like sticking needles in your eyes (in a non-SAWesque way) and still don’t get that perfect turn of the sentence. Please God. Give me the power to freaking express myself and win a Hugo in the process. Creativity sure does take a lot out of you. Oh! Let’s not even talk about the self-doubt, the disappointments. (she writes and then runs off to grab a glazed sprinkled and…wait for it…custard-filled doughnut.)
  3. And she thought writing was the tough part – (Evidently, she doesn’t know Jack bleeping Sh@#) Alas, the novel is written and the road to publishing begins. Buckle in, my friend. Or actually don’t. ‘Coz. You ain’t goin’ anywhere for a long, long time. You query, you wait. You query, some more, you wait. Some fortunate peeps get an agent. (Ughh, I hate you fortunate peeps…oh, alright, I’m happy for you..blahblah).  And then you wait some more. And waiting. And waiting. No. Some more. Then. Aha! Scored a publisher. Then you wait. No, no. Be patient now. You get the first copy and then you wait. Till finally, people get your book in their hands. And then you start all over again. Seriously, why did I chose to start writing? (The custard’s really gooey though, you know that perfect place between, not being too sweet and just short of being bland. Yah. Delish!)
  4. Drrrrreeeam. Dream. Dream. Dream. – Writers are basically dreamers. And dreamers are often impractical, diet-defying people. We are . Therefore, we eat. It’s what keeps me sane. So, basically, between Prozac and Doughnuts? I’d choose my half-eaten doughnut any day.

And if it takes a doughnut to get me in that zone, when words flow magically out of my tapping fingers (alas, no ink) and I get up from my chair feeling hysterically joyous at my own achievement. Ahhh! (She rushes off to go out and replenish her stack of dirty dozen.)

And just ‘coz you humored me by reading this rant, here’s something that might help. Also, this.