I have been a polite person all my life. I’m the one who thinks too much of what other people think of me, of always creating a good impression, of always being politically correct and the worst, doing what makes other people happy, sometimes even at my cost.
Today I decided to stop.
Starting now, I am going to:
Start abusing: Use abuses in my daily language to express displeasure. Sure, I’ve used stuff like dammit, even shit. But they never really cut it, you know? So I’m graduating to F$%^, oh! dammit, FUCK. There. I will use this word from now on, in all its four letter regalia. You have been warned.
Say it like it is: You don’t like me? Guess what? I HATE YOU. If people are being rude to me, I will NOT ignore it. I will RETALIATE.
Be mean: People who try to cut the line in the supermarket, people who elbow me in airports, rude attendants, you are just a step away from being kaboomed with the new widget in my arsenal. I will bombard you with FUCK in all its various forms. FOff. FYou. Are you Fing kidding me?
Impromptu bitchiness: This is the hardest. I have to think of bitchy comebacks to the passive-aggressive shit people throw at me all the time. Thing is you cannot outwit a jerk. They can get quite innovative but, BUT I shall work on this. Maybe some generic mean rejoinders? Hmmm? Something, like Winston Churchill said once to a bitchy socialite who told him, “Winston, if you were my husband, I’d put poison in your coffee.” Without missing a beat, Churchill replied, “Nancy, if you were my wife, I’d drink it.” Score! If only, I was that witty. BUT I shall endeavor to put my best bitch forward from now on. Amen.