Because I missed feeling the strange queasiness that attacks me the moment I hit the publish button. My thoughts out there for everyone to see! People will attack me! or…worse…No one will care!..or…People I know will read it and judge me! But there comes a stage in life when you don’t feel the need to please everyone. When you feel liberated of what others think of you. Okay, I haven’t achieved that stage yet…I’m still at the…”SHIT! …Oh!Fuck! I said ‘shit; now what will they think of me?” stage…!!! BUT I’m working towards it.
Also, because I missed the comments and the NICE people who I’d come to know through this blog. Quirky,sweet, honest or just any monosyllabic comment from someone out there can help you feel good about what you’ve written… So, all those nice people who took time out to reply to my posts – Beijos to all of you. Even the ‘likers’. Let’s face it. We all love the ‘likers’. Nothing pleases a blogger more than someone taking the pains to delurk and like what they’ve written. Like I said before, I’m still working on that “I am an island of unaffectedness” thing.
I’ve started writing again. Trying to! Someone asked me recently…why not do something that pays you for a change? To be honest, I had no retort to that. Not immediately. Thing is. When everyone around me is starting a business of some sort..or being a super mom with a hot-shot corporate title and three kids who eat all organic home-cooked food…or single women who are rocking the world with their heavy social lives and creative jobs…foraging for herbs, making designer toys out of elephant poo, anyone? …Why am I wanting to sit in a room and slog over something that has given nothing in return? But as I thought about it I realised the only reason I write is…it makes me happy.
As simple as that. When I write…the whole process takes me to a peaceful place. Nothing over the years.. doing a job in PR, or even working hard…8 to 7 in a corporate..(or EVEN taking care of my baby! gasp!) gave me as much peace as writing does. I may not be getting paid a lot of money for it or even that much appreciation of what I do, from people around me…but it makes ME happy. And in the end, that’s all that matters. Eat meatballs, suck in the spaghetti and slurp up the wine. Happy. Happy. Happy.
So…I am plodding on, dear readers (if you’re still out there reading this neglected blog!). Please wish me luck!